I look at the date of my last entry and can hardly believe it. Over a year and a half has gone by since I and everyone else thought Trey Brewer was da new thing. His less than stellar performance at the Junior USAs means people are talking about a whole different crew of national level amateurs -- maybe just not with the same number of superlatives.
Personally it has been a good year and a half. The winter of 07-08 was my best ever in terms of the gym. After leaning out last summer and getting to a fairly freaky 178lbs I got up to 200lbs. Last summer friends and strangers were all stroking my ego with comments about my vascularity and my leanness. Then as I put on the weight I enjoyed feeling favourite shirts feeling tighter and looking a whole lot better in those clothes.
Now 200lbs was my goal and I said if I did reach 200 I would buck up my courage and try my hand at competing this summer. And that was my plan. I had picked out a local natural show and had gotten lots of advice about how to prepare. Given that leaning out in 07 had been pretty easy for me I looked forward to doing it this summer with a big life goal reached at the end of it.
Well its less than 2 weeks from that show I was going to do. I ditched my attempt to prepare for it back in June after a crisis of confidence. When I started my diet I was 194lbs...reaching 200lbs had lasted for like 6 h for me and I struggled in April and May to just keep my size let alone add to it. At the start of my diet I calculated how much weight I needed to lose based on some assumptions about my percentage of body fat, etc. The weight came off really fast and a lot more of it came off than I thought should be there. Looking back it may be that I just was shedding water quickly but at the time I felt like I had deluded myself into thinking I was ready to compete. I was just going to be a skinny guy in orange body paint come August and that just had zero appeal to me.
In April I'd been to a big regional show with so much impressive talent that I was both stoked about bodybuilding and freaked at the same time. The top 5 in pretty much each class had shredded glutes and crazy-freaky-stunning conditioning. I was stoked because I realized that the biggest guys weren't winning but the best conditioned ones were. That was promising to me.
Then in May I met a guy who'd won the overall title at a provincial show. Super-nice guy and more than willing to explain his approach to training, diet, and supplementation. This guy's the same height as me but competes in the super-heavy weight class...and even though it was a week or 2 after his contest he was still beyond shredded. Again I should have realized that comparing myself to him was futile and counterproductive. He'd been super-frank about his steroid, insulin, gh and diuretic use and the guy is probably destined for a class win at Nationals some day. But I just couldn't see myself competing in the same sport this guy was excelling at. While I was actually enjoying the early morning cardio and didn't mind the carb restrictions I was already putting in place I decided it was setting myself up for failure and maybe extreme embarrassment by competing at this stage of my progress. I took a big break from the gym. Ate when and what I wanted and saw a year's worth of hard earned gains go down the drain.
Well 2 months later I'm back. Why the change? Well I met a great guy who was a week and a half out from doing his first show. He'd be doing the masters at provincials. It was freakin hilarious to find out that he'd decided to do the show only 4 weeks earlier. I went and saw him win his first show and loved the grin he had on his face the whole time he was on stage. If he could pull it together in 4 weeks I could certainly pull it together in 12 months.
The other thing that got me re-focused was following Fouad Abiad's blog. I've been a fan of "Hoss" since he battled to win the Nationals. But reading his blog gave me a new appreciation of how talent and genetics are only part of the picture. Fouad works damn hard as well and he doesn't just walk on stage ready to compete he suffers and battles to get there. I'm a worker too. I can do this.